What Am I Doing?

Have you ever felt like you’re moving in circles? I mean you get interested in something and then drop it and pick it up and drop it. That’s my life, literally, circles.

Here are a few things I’ve picked up and dropped over and over again

  • Saving (yup I know)
  • Writing/learning code (I’ve probably started html & css a thousand times)
  • Writing(I nearly deleted this post)
  • Working out (days off turn into months off)
  • Eating healthy (I’m stuck in a love triangle with pizza and kale)

This list could go on forever, the other things are a little too private.

I even have a journal, where I break down what I want to do into long term and short term goals. I have a calendar, TWO calendars, a physical and a digital one. 

You’re probably looking at this post and saying, “Tiff all you need is a little motivation,” and I’m asking you, “From where?”

I know what I want to do, I’ve been trying to do them since I turned 16. You can see some of the things I’m trying to do up there, but I have no drive. Once in a while I’ll get a burst of energy. I’ll find out all the information about saving, or I’ll sign up for codecademy or udacity. And at those times, everything feels awesome. In a month or two, it’s gone, the will to push myself, to improve my life is gone.

An even more baffling fact, I’m great at pushing people to do things. I’ve had friends call me just to hear me say “you should go for it.” So I’m great at making people go for what they want, but I can’t do that for myself, and honestly no one else can for me. It is mind boggling. And I’ve tried, oh I have tried.

I’ve read, watched and listened to all the blogs, books, Ted talks, podcasts about how to get up and push yourself. Heck I’m even subscribed to newsletters on productivity and how to find your passion and blah blah. The truth is, I enjoy complacency. It’s great to push yourself and all, but wow it’s so satisfying not to. Once I get comfortable, I can’t see a reason to go any further.

Stepping out of my comfort zone isn’t something that scares me. Honestly, it doesn’t even phase me. I just don’t want to do it. I’m lazy. I’m writing this in bed, instead of getting ready to go to the gym. After this, I’m probably going to open medium and read articles about doing better, I’ll definitely recommend them.

This is my life. One where I’m just okay with being okay. It’s the one thing my parents have complained about since I started going to school. Who knows, maybe I’ll have an epiphany and change the way I approach things, but I’ve had a 19 year laziness streak. Why stop now?

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