Hey everyone! Happy New Year! The other day I went to hang out with some o my church members, and we decided to watch a movie called “Christian Mingle.”
This was one of the corniest movies ever, and I was too busy eating to pay attention half of the time. It was about this girl who pretends to be a Christian to find love via online dating. So at some point in the movie, she’s on a date with the christian guy that she was scamming (word to Joanne) and she asks him “Are you happy? Are you content?” And the moment I heard it, I didn’t think much about it. Later that night those words would haunt me.
Are you happy? Are you content? Happiness and contentment are two different things, happiness is tied to dopamine, and contentment is tied to serotonin. Two different things with two different results and are affected by different events. I’m not a registered psychologist or anything but I’d like to be happy and be content at the same time.
And that might be the problem, see the thing about happiness is that for the most part I can control it, or maybe I can control the expression. I know how to make myself happy, but I don’t know how to make myself content. I do not know what it feels like to be totally satisfied.
After the movie, I headed home. While I was walking to bus stop I was bothered by those questions, but I just let it slide. I knew I was going to be tired when I got home so I read my bible plan on the way home.
The devotional spoke about the beatitudes, and the paralleled different translations of the bible. When I read this verse, it was really weird, like is this a coincidence or is God speaking to me right now. #SHOOK
“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
Matthew 5 vs 5 (MSG)
“When you’re content with just who you are.” I don’t think I am content with just who I am, I want to be so much more. And I feel like every time I get something, I can’t even enjoy it, or be satisfied, because all I can think about is the next step.
In fact, I’m never satisfied. I can’t recall a single day that I just sat down and thought “this is good, this is excellent.” And I’m sure those days have existed, when things were easier, and I didn’t have to worry about a lot of things I worry about now.
But… There are other people, who worry about the things I worry about and are content. And there are people who don’t have a burden as heavy as mine and don’t know what contentment means.
So I guess what I really want to know is if contentment, just like happiness can be controlled by me? And also is there a problem with me that I can never be satiated or content?
I really want to experience what that bible verse talks about. I want to be content with who I am, no more no less. This isn’t to say I won’t have ambitions or goals, but I won’t constantly want more. I won’t constantly be wanting, searching. Sigh. If you’re reading this, are you happy? are you content? Do you think that you’re satisfied?
I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore, and I’m becoming really incoherent. So I’ll talk to y’all later. I hope I find contentment, and if you aren’t you find contentment too.