#notallmen, #realmendontrape, “You need to stop dealing with boys and start dealing with real men”, “only a beast would act like that”, “a gentleman would never do something so despicable to a woman”, “that’s actually an animal pretending to be a human being”.
Stop. Just stop it. At least every other day, I read something that shows how women and girls are used, abused and discarded by men in society. From emotional abuse to sexual and domestic violence, women and girls are at the receiving end of the violence men freely give.
And every single time I see a report of this on the internet, there’s at least one person trying to make these men seem like outliers. Painting them as psychopaths, and evil, unrestrainable men. Pathologizing these men, and making all these cases (which happen quite frequently), seem like random occurrences.
And yes sure #notallmen are using, abusing and discarding women. But enough men are doing it that it has become a social issue. And focusing on the people who aren’t making life unsafe for women doesn’t make us feel any better.
Actually, in most cases, what you end up doing is derailing the conversation. You argue and complain so much, because you think that your feelings are being attacked, that you forget to acknowledge the woman or girl who has had her life destroyed.
From what I understand, most people are trying to separate these bad eggs from the general population, but when we call abusive men animals, or beasts what we unconsciously do is imagine that the people we interact with can never be these men.
And that narrative is false, because these men who wreck the lives of women are simply men. They go to churches and mosques, they sit down at your dinner table, they attend PTA meeting. These men are just regular men, who destroy the lives of women all over the world.
Yes, their actions are sick and disgusting, but making them out as animals, and mentally disassociating them from everyday life isn’t helping women avoid or get out of these situations. And in some cases, it may inadvertently make things worse.
What happens is that you create a fear for stranger danger, and you make women think that the people they’re close to are incapable of harming them. When these men do harm them, they can’t believe it and they find a way to rationalize their actions, because of this idea that has been instilled into their subconscious.
Dividing the real men, animals, boys, gentlemen and beasts takes the responsibility and accountability from these men and puts it on women. Women are expected to discern between all these categories that male humans fall into. And to be frank, it’s ridiculous.
There’s no difference between these categories. They’re arbitrarily created and used, and acting like they’re not the same is destructive
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And I’m just going to say this so no one comes into my comments with their feelings hurt. Yes this is about men. Yes women can be abusive, but no I’m not talking about that now. Yes men get abused too, and no I’m still not talking about that now. So take a deep breath, think really hard about what you want to write in the comment box. have I answered it? Yes? Okay, you can breathe out now.